I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
