it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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