dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Sober January is a disaster.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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