Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
