I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
