He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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