I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
