he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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