why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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