mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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