she woke up with a sticky ear
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
