I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
