you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
