Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
