I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
