You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
