your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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