wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just found a bag of teeth...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
