I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
