i just google imaged poop.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
