I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
