the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
