If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
