oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Randomize
