fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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