You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
