Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
