Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
