I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
