what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We are all done wearing pants today
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
