she sounds like chewbacca in bed
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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