he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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