Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
