Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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