walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
third nipple confirmed
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
