Cold hands, warm shart.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
and she was petting her beer can
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
