He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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