I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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