Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
