I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
