You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
if only i could text you this smell
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
