I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
