Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
