My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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