Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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