just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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