apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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