Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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