I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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