; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
