I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
50% drunk capacity currently
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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