so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
