What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize