Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
The Olympian is in my bed
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
