found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
