that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
it's like heaven, but drunker
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
