No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
My penis needs a shock collar
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
All the doctor said was why
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
