Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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