she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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