smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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