You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
