I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
