The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
