it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
