Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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