I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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