the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize