CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
