i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize